The Sound of Madness
by Kensei Kontan
Summary: Naruto meets a strange green man instead of Jiraiya, with him is a red haired wolf summoner, and an old turtle hermit. Godlike Naruto, Insanity galore, gorey, mentally destructive chaos causing insanity beyond comprehension. Dbz x star wars x naruto
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **Naruto stumbles upon a green midget instead of Jiraiya. He offers to train naruto, but he must learn to control his emotions. The green midget is flanked by two others, A man that seems shriveled up by time, withered to the bone, somehow retaining his muscle even in his age, and a red haired wolf summoner. They all train Naruto, until the month is over with.

**Authors Note:** I am making this fic because I see so many terrible fics about naruto being god like, giving him powers from all different series, such as bleach, star wars, inuyasha, you get the picture. I decided I should see how I can do with one, I intend for this to be my best fic yet, also, my other fanfictions are not dead, they are simply dormant, please be paitent my whole ten reveiwers. lol, seriously though, my muse has come up short for Kitsuneoni and Kensei, so dont expect an update from them until at least say... january, with school, I barely have time anymore, and with my muse officially dead for now, Im taking a break, this story was a spur of the moment thing, but lets face it, all of mine are ;D happy reading.

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**Chapter one: What a Shame**

The night was a calm and peaceful night, if one were to meditate, this would be the night. Indeed, this night was a gift from god himself, except for one child. This child was the bane of the village, the scourge of the town, hell the entire country! How could one child be hated so much? It was rather simple actually. He was hated for what he held within him, although few understood what he truly held within. Within this child was a legendary being capable of destroying entire countries in a day. Yes, the legendary Kyuubi no Kitsune was sealed inside this child.

Naruto had never been beaten, well only a few times, and even then it was a simple fight, and Naruto didnt even feel the civilian's punches, or any attacks they threw at him. His immense chakra protected him from this. How could chakra protect? This was a question he asked himself everyday, eventually he was told by the hokage that once a being releases chakra, their bodies develope differently, they become stronger, faster, smarter, everything. Naruto was no fool, the hokage was hiding something. Why would a child have the chakra stores that went beyond anyone, including Sarutobi, in the village? It was insane, he didnt have any control over his chakra, making him constantly leak incredible amounts of chakra, however he instantly regenerated the lost amount like it was nothing.

He had recently asked Sarutobi for help, but the old man was busy. He simply handed Naruto a scroll, without realizing it was not a scroll for normal chakra control, but advanced. Naruto used a genjutsu to hide his appearence. He didnt need to, but he wanted to be underestimated. Being underestimated would provide incredible surprise for his opponents. His speed and stealth surpassed most non jounin. Umino Iruka was the one man who he allowed to catch him, because he was the only one he could trust to do what is right. Iruka had been in ANBU before, but due to his injury he could not longer do ANBU missions. Iruka was originally a tracking ninja, his nose was one hundred times better than an Inuzuka's, which is what allowed the hokage to allow him into ANBU in the first place. He served under Kakashi Hatake, a man he respected and feared immensely.

**7 Year Timeskip**

Naruto followed after Ebisu after he was rejected by Kakashi for training. He knew what was going on in the shadows, but he could not tell anyone. The man that was training Sasuke was not Kakashi Hatake, but a pawn put in by the council. Those few beatings he did have as a child were ordered by the council. He walked along the stone bridge, where Ebisu was knocked out, appearently by a green midget. This green man had a wrinkled face, and looked like an elf fused with a rat. He was about to walk away when he heard the man talk.

"Young one, Wait you will." He said. His wrinkles didnt make him look ugly, just.. strange. "Train you, I will." So the man was offering to train him? that was strange, not everyday you run into a green wrinkly elf that wishes to train you. Naruto sensed no harm from this man, but he did have great power. Naruto was not sure how, he just knew this man could easily murder the hokage if he wished. Naruto shrugged and followed the elf.

They arrived to a small ship, it was grey in texture, and strangely had two controls on it, two dials that seemed to point at ninety degree angles. These dials had the words "time" and "gravity" placed above them. Naruto's eyes widened as he realized what this was. He had read about something like this, it was supposedly what the riduko sennin trained in. He had read the legends of the Riduko Sennin from his history book, it was pretty much the only section that interested him, or anyone in his class. The rest of the book was about konoha's triumphs and clan history, the history of ninja, which mostly involved political systems and nothing else. Naruto paid attention none the less, pretending to sleep, but he was truly looking for ways to usurp the council once he reached appropriate rank.

This small ship was said to control gravity and time, allowing up to ten thousand time normal gravity, and slowing time down to where a day was a year, however, the user wouldnt age while in the machine, a strange quality of slowing down time. The green man walked inside, naruto following shortly after. Naruto immediately fell to his knees from the double gravity. Naruto stood up, not expecting the extra weight, otherwise he would not have fell. "so whats your name anyway?" He said, just now noticing the other two inside the ship. "Yoda, I am" The green man replied. "I am Roshi" The older man replied. He had muscle, obviously strong, possibly on the same level of hokage. "I.. am Chuck" the last man replied. He seemed younger than the other two, and stronger too, he had a grey and black wolf beside him.

Naruto studied them. The older man was bald, but had a long mustache, goofy glasses, a triangular shaped beard, and a turtle shell on his back. The man also carried around a makeshift cane from a staff. Naruto felt something was off with this staff. The other red haired man seemed confident, and strangely animalistic. He had Jiraiya's spiky hair, but shorter and red. Naruto didnt know how to explain what felt off with him. Naruto nodded "no last names?" He raised his eyebrow. Roshi and Yoda shook their heads, but Chuck nodded. "Norris" Yoda facepalmed, and Roshi chuckled. Naruto didnt get the joke. "oookay...? anyway why exactly did you want to train me?"

"The Rohtua told us to" Chuck said. Naruto wondered what kind of name was Chuck, perhaps another country's? "and who is this... Rohtua?" Naruto asked, getting more freaked out by the second. "forget that, we will, train you, we must" Yoda said. Naruto understood, it was a bit challenging with more than one sentence meant, but he was smart enough to understand. Roshi sighed "indeed, we shall train you boy, afterwards you will get a single gift from each of us, explanations of why will be after"

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And break

what do you think? its not my worst start to a fic, but certianly... okay maybe my best.. anywho dont foget to Reveiw D; without your precious reveiws my muse will never survive. Ill give a cyber cookie to anyone who gets the joke i put in here :3

Cya next time


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note:** thanks guys... no one got the secret joke i put in... lol, anywho, i dont feel like showing you his training... if you are really that interested, picture what goku and krillin did in dragon ball, what jiraiya taught naruto (summoning/sage) and basic force manipulation... got that? if you think im lazy, your damn right. that is all. and since someone said something about my grammar, i just felt like informing you i dont use spell check xD and as for my length... well itll grow more over time.. god that sounded wrong xD anyway i made this chapter in a hurry as an early christmas present, so do me a favor (warning: Rant)kick anyone who says X-mas this year D: its a christian holiday, no one has the right to name it anything else, besides christmas!(rant end) short rant... also the secret joke of the first chapter was what Yoda said about Rohtua, which is author backwards ;D

me? own naruto/star wars? HAHAHAHAHAHA... wait your serious? O.o then what are you smoking? I do own chuck though... not chuck norris, just chuck xD hes my original naruto character with a new name... imagine jiraiya, but with wolves... but you didnt read this to know that... that was your cue to start the show! god damn amatuers...

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**Chater Two: Perfect Insanity**

The time of day was unusually peaceful. Normally Naruto had set off ten pranks by now, but Sarutobi chalked it up as him taking the month of training seriously. He had seen the look that Naruto gave Neji in the last rounds. That look shook the hokage to his very core. He had only seen that once, when Kyuubi stormed upon the village. Perhaps he should look more into that later, but for now, his eyes were, almost litteraly, glued to the small orange book he held in his palms. Perhaps soon he would learn to love life again.

Meanwhile, Naruto stepped out of a . He seemed to have aged a few years, he seemed much taller, taller than even Jiraiya. His hair also resembled Jiraiya's, but only in shape, and even then he didnt have the pony tail in the back. His hair had changed from the bright yellow, to a deeper yellow, bordering on orange. His face had an irresistable smirk, one that held confidence, and his eyes shone a bright red. He growled as he stepped out, for some reason no one else came out. This would be expected, however with Naruto's growl, something was not right. Naruto had with him a katana hanging from his waist.

How could he have changed so much in just a month? simple. The ship's time abilities, however, the fact that he was angry told another story. He seemed more angry at himself, but for what? No one likes drama so I shall just say it. He had been in there for six hundred years! By the time he finally found a way out, he was the only one left alive, Yoda, Roshi, and Chuck had all passed. The age mechanism broke, meaning they all aged, fortunately, as Naruto reached twenty one, he stopped, a proccess caused by the influx of ki, force, chakra, nature chakra, and demon chakra. Yes in the six hundred years he had lived, he had learned all these. He was now a master of the force, on par with any force master, even the legendary Revan.

He had learned to summon wolves and use nature chakra, becoming the wolf contract holder, and sage. His skill was far beyond anyone of this planet, the only other person who Roshi told him could beat him, was an immortal saiyan, named Goku. Of course he had been training for thousands of years with Shenron, the pet of the creator, so his power was quite simply god like. Though Yoda, Roshi, and Chuck all agreed, Naruto was the only one who could give Goku any sort of challenge, a fact that should be appreciated.

His mastery with demon chakra was thanks to the force training with Yoda. While meditating, he acheived an enhanced state of dark power, which he named the Devil Form. It was not until later the reason was revealed. Kyuubi had died after being sealed. How could such a demon with such tremendous power die? It was quite funny, as it was the most unexpected way of death anyone though of. He died of hunger. He had no body, and therefore Naruto ate for two, however with his diet constricted in the machine, no food went to kyuubi, meaning the beast died a slow and painful death.

Naruto simply appeared in the hokage's office. "Yo old man... well young man I guess.." He chuckled. Only one man had the gall to call the hokage old man. "Naruto what.. what happened?" He said looking panicked. "oh nothing much... I sorta just spent six hundred years in a goddamn machine that doesnt work... at sixteen thousand times normal gravity!" He growled out. "call a council... what you do ya call it?" Naruto asked. "meeting?" Sarutobi blinked. "yeah, beating thats it! call a council beating!" Sarutobi sweatdropped at Naruto's attitude. He must have gone insane.

As the council was brought together, several members began to wonder what the cause of this meeting was, no doubt concerning the mysterious man infront of them. Naruto waited until every single council member was sitting down before he spoke. His voice was harsh, yet calm. "goodie your all here. Now about this little beating, I mean meeting... I am here to create a new clan" Naruto said. Sarutobi narrowed his eyes. "very well... what powers does your kekkei genkai allow you?" Naruto chuckled "well we have the wolf contract, demonic chakra, and we can speak to animals, fly, levitate other objects, the usual with mental capabilities, even a form of hypnosis" Naruto stated, at which the clan heads almost shat themselves. Those abilities would make someone, even a civilian, on the level of a kage!.

"Alright, lets vote on this matter" Immediately, every single hand went up. Naruto smirked. "alright then... what is your clan's name?" The next word made the civilian half shit themselves, litteraly. "uzumaki" Naruto chuckled. The civilian half seemed to freeze, as if their minds just exploded. It was too late, they had made Naruto a clan head. "alright Naruto-kun, please take your seat" Sarutobi smiled.

Immediately Danzo stood. "Why are we allowing the demon a spot as clan head?" He yelled. The civilian's seemed to agree. For some strange reason Sarutobi smirked and nodded, but not at Danzo. Before anyone could make a single veto, Danzo found his heart in his mouth, and his arms up his ass. (in later chapters the gore will get worse, so if you cant take reading that... you probably need help, and this story isnt for you ^^) The entire council froze, except for one more ignorant, and probably retarded man, who had pink hair. He stood up and started yelling about Naruto calling him a demon six point five times. How six point five? simple, by the sixth one, Naruto had already decapitated him right in the middle of saying demon.

The entire clan side facepalmed. Seriously it was as if the council thought they were above the law. Meanwhile, Hiashi, Itachi (explained in a moment), and the Ino-Shika-Cho trio burst out laughing. Naruto raised his eyebrow at Itachi. "what the hell are you doing here?" He asked. Itachi suddenly paled as Naruto towered over him. "eh Naruto-kun would you really kill the man who protected you as a child?" He chuckled nervously. "nah... just make him piss himself is good enough for me" He chuckled. "but I'm guessing your clan massacare was planned by the council?" He said, shocking everyone there.

"what? I lived more than six hundred years, I have thought about more things than you people would imagine, like Sasuke's strange obsession with that sharingan... its the last thing he has from his clan, of course he holds it sacred." Sarutobi blinked. No one had been able to answer that about the young Uchiha, until now. He held his sharingan high, acting like he should always use it. "yeah, the author didnt have any good comparisons to show you how smart I've become so..." Naruto shrugged. Another council member stood up, and pointed at Naruto "Stop breaking the fourth wall!" He yelled. Naruto made a funny face and pointed back "I'm not! I'm breaking the fifth wall!" There was a sound of thunder. This was caused by the facepalming of everyone in Konoha all at once.

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Short chapter, year, bla bla bla, merry christmas, i wont update anything till afterwards so ta-de-fucking-la lol


	3. Crapter 3

**Authors Note:** Im sorry to say.. Im discontinuing this fic.. okay that was one of the largest lies in the history of the world. Anyway, I began wondering why others who make naruto godlike dont make him or anyone else kill anyone who breaks the thirds law, it specificly states DEATH, not a warning! I understand in the case of danzo, but for civilians.. they arent needed for plot.. unless.. their like meat shields like sakura, but anyway on with le show! :D

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**Overrated**

Naruto was walking out from the Hokage's Office when he remembered that it was the day of the chuunin exams. He immediately rushed to the academy, where he knew it was taking place. He had asked the hokage about it at the begining of their meeting. The warning sense he had developed over the years had been going off since he heard about them. Doing the math, and remembering the enemies of Konoha, subtracting out the ones too weak to do anything, the ones who were too scared, and the ones who would be damaged too much by attacking, he narrowed the new enemy down to three main people. Suna had always been rivals with Konoha due to their closeness and the last few wars, however they were marked out as the Kazekage was too weak and cowardly to try anything. Next was this new village, Oto, thinking about them made something go off. The last was Iwa, but they were currently too weak for anything like that.

Now he only had to find out who was ordering Oto around, it had to be an enemy of Konoha, and a powerful one at that. It was more than likely Orochimaru, or less likely, an Akatsuki member who held his own agenda, though the Akatsuki should not be ready yet. He had learned of them from Yoda, who possessed some power that allowed him to be semi-omnipotent. Naruto narrowed it down to Orochimaru and Oto, so he now knew what to come. While he was thinking this, he had barely taken five steps. He suddenly vanished from veiw, and raced to the academy, noting he was two seconds before being late.

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Ibiki was a man who was rarely surprised or scarred, I mean scared, however at exactly the time limit Naruto had appeared in place of his clone he had made before. Now Ibiki was aware of Naruto's situation, being in the council room when it happened, but he was scared shitless, much like everyone else, when he heard a loud explosion and saw the new Naruto replace his clone. He was scared because he though it might be a war, something even he did not want to ever see again. "your lucky you were on time... I wouldve destroyed your clone to make sure everyone understood" 'damn that clone fooled even me.. I thought he was just using a henge.' Ibiki stated, then thought.

Naruto chuckled "alright kid" He said, making everyone wonder why he called someone who appeared thrice his age a kid. As the rules were explained, and the papers passed out, Naruto began thinking about the true purpose of the test. 'lets see, chances to cheat, check, alliteration, check, pedosnake smell, check, creepy kid with glasses who acts like a nice guy but has the same scent and posture as pedosnake, check, long ass thought, check.. must be a fake test, probably just like the ones in the academy.. though this isnt about the answers.. its about brains and balls.. I may like you yet Ibiki..'

Sasuke had his mind on an entirely different thought pattern. 'okay.. I could cheat with sharingan.. its not like they'd notice me, its a simple eye trick, and even if they do its only going to count as one cheating instead of ten or so.. oh and I'll kill Itachi and all that bullshit... damn you Srohtua!'

Sakura had her genuis intellect, at least compared to five year olds intellect, working on solving the problems, however she had, so far, gotten every single one wrong. Shikamaru was sleeping, Choji was eating, Ino was... well she decided to go into Sasuke's body. Why would she do that? She beleived he would get the answers. What she found there was something that made her cry. This was the day she found out Sasuke was gay.

About an hour later, Ibiki decided the test was over. "alright pencils down." Everyone but Naruto put their pencil down. "why the hell do you still have your pencil out?" He yelled. "oh.. because its a pen" Naruto said cheerfully, knowing Ibiki would laugh, not now, but later when he wouldnt embarrass himself by doing so. He was right, as Ibiki chuckled "pens down as well.. smartass" He muttered the last part, but Naruto still heard it. Everyone was still shocked that Naruto was not kicked out, probably because they did not know that his past with Ibiki was very pleasent and quite fun, who do you think helped him escape the ANBU?

"Alright now for-" Ibiki was interupted by Naruto "the tenth question" Naruto mimicked Ibiki's voice perfectly, before executing a henge to look like him. "grr.. now you have a choice, take the question, or leave, however" Ibiki was once again interupted by Naruto. "if you answer the question wrong, you may never be able to become a chuunin" Ibiki and Naruto both yelled out "SHUT THE HELL UP YOU COPYCAT!" Somewhere, Kakashi, Sasuke, and Itachi all sneezed at the exact same time.

At this, most students forgot to leave, which meant they all passed, meaning even more punching bags for Naruto, though Sakura and Sasuke were enough, if they died, then he wouldnt care about the chuunin exams, he could take them next year, if they died that is.

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Okay, sorry for the crappy chapter and long period of absensce, but my sister moved in with her two boys and are currently in the process of driving me insane...r. Also Ive been sick for at least a week now so its been hard to think up ideas, I did this to show how smart I am making Naruto, and maybe some of my plans for Sasuke and Sakura.. okay I tell ya what.. you can decide what happens to em :)

1 they both die

2 Sasuke only dies, sakura will become useful

3 Sakura dies, Sasuke will not be a douche

4 Neither die

next poll is who kills em

1 Orochimaru

2 Random death of my choice, or yours if you suggest a good one

3 Naruto rage mode over seeing something that pisses him off, like sakura saying shed kill Sarutobi for Sasuke if he asked, or Sasuke trying to rape sakura... not my favorite :(

4 Suggestion by you (Reveiw)

once again, sorry for the shitty chapter, and forgive me, but Ive been too sick to think straight and my sister steal my laptop every five minutes, Im sure you understand :D Bai


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors Note:** well I've had fun with this fic.. I should update more often.. but hey, I have a life... okay maybe not, but hell you dont care, your here for the story! D:

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**Psychosocial**

The main thing to remember while in trouble is to never fear. Why? Fear can screw your thoughts up so badly you'd end up running right into the one you wish to avoid, this is one of the top shinobi guidelines. Unfortunately for Sakura and Sasuke they never heard of this before. They were simply scared shitless with just an ounce of killing intent. To Naruto, who was watching from the trees, it was annoying. He would have to do something about that soon.

Lets start from the begining. Right after Naruto and Ibiki's little yelling contest, Anko burst through the window. However upon seeing two Ibikis, one was Naruto with a henge, she facepalmed. "again ibiki? I know I said you practice yelling at yourself for fun, but I was joking..." She said sighing. Ibiki flustered and sputtered, before realizing Naruto was in his seat, and the other Ibiki was infront of him. Damn brat. "anyway, you brats meet me in two hours" She said, jumping out the window.

"but... where?" A random gennin asked. Ibiki was about to answer but Naruto said it instead. "thats part of the test, for any ninja it should be easy... considering the second exam would have about twenty anbu and jounin around it, not even attempting to hide, but of course your child mind couldnt think of that could it?" Naruto sighed, walking out the window, ignoring the laws of gravity. Ibiki sweatdropped as Naruto walked on the air.

Naruto suddenly yelled "oh no!" Ibiki blinked. "what?" Naruto shouted "Gravity exists!" then fell the three stories and stood like nothing happened. Ibiki now banged his head onto his desk, at which point everyone stared at him. "YOUR DISMISSED" He yelled, making everyone, including the chuunin, scurry from his wrath and into safety.

**Skip to forest of death: Pedosnake Appears**

Naruto was damn close to murdering these two, as he called them "retarded walrus". The pink haired one was so damn obsessed with Sasuke it made him want to throw her into the everfilling chamber pot of the ageless. For those that dont understand, you dont want to. Then Sasuke, the prick had the sheer gall to ORDER HIM like he was superior, though he didnt actually follow what he said, instead, when Sasuke told him to hand him the heaven scroll, Naruto handed him a scroll that was labeled heaven, but instead had a fake diary of his secret gay life. The people of Konoha looked down on same sex relationships, and Naruto saw this as a perfect chance to embarrass the brat. Naruto himself didnt care on such relationships, he figured love who ya love, nothing else mattered. The intolerance of Konoha sickened him slightly, but he experienced far worse than they had, they were simply shunned, he was beaten a few times, though only by drunks and teachers, who did so in "accidents" and got off scott free.

Suddenly a large wind knocked the other two members of his team back, while he barely felt a breeze. Naruto shrugged "hey guys, I'll be back in a few minutes, carry on without me" Naruto said, and before either could respond he exploded into a pile of kittens who scampered away. Both swore they never saw this.

(with Naruto)

Naruto was up in the trees, smiling and waving at a man who was shocked to find he had been discovered. "Oiy! Pedo-chan!"

Orochimaru replied "who in the hell are you?" He twitched lightly

Naruto smiled "an ally, you want the Uchiha, correct?"

Orochimaru's eyes widened at this, this kid had figured out what he wanted in less than a few minutes of speech. "what is it to you?"

"oh that is simple, I wish the Uchiha to die, and his little whore too, I know you can arrange this in the third exams, with your skills as a body expert it would be easy to fool morticians." Naruto smiled.

"what would you get though?" Orochimaru raised his eyebrow

"simple, you leave konoha without the war" Naruto smirked.

Orochimaru weighed the options, he didnt care for konoha, he simply wanted the uchiha, that was all this war was for. He nodded "alright, though I'm not sure why I didnt think of this.."

"simple, because I'm one of the, if not the smartest person in this dimension" Naruto said without giving the aura of arrogance.

Orochimaru chuckled "dont get too full of yourself kid" and with that said the two seperated.

Naruto eventually joined back up with the whore and the emo. He really needed a good name for em. "that was refreshing" He said as he joined with them. "and on the bright side, I got an earth scroll!" He smiled. Around this time Orochimaru screamed at the top of his lungs. Naruto laughed loudly. "so wha-" He was interupted by another gust of wind, blowing his teammates back. He stood there as if nothing happened, still smirking. "well well well, seems we got a snake in the grass, soon its gonna be a snake in a certian prick's ass" Naruto moved slighty as ninja wire came out from the dust cloud the blast of wind, going past him, it went straight the uchiha, who immediately picked a log up and blocked it with it. Or at least thats what would have happened if the ninja wire was just a bit longer.

Instead, the wire wrapped around the damn near retarded Uchiha and tied his arms to the log, like Naruto was tied to the post when they first trained. Naruto facepalmed and sighed as he saw another wire going right at Sakura, who was tied to a tree from it. He sighed and used his own wind jutsu to clear the dust, and reveal Orochimaru's hidden form. "yo, go ahead and do what ya gotta do to these imbeciles, so I can get out of this damned forest" He sighed.

Orochimaru wondered how the man new he was him, but shrugged it off and bit Sasuke and Sakura, knocking them both out. "they shouldnt remember past the wires being launched." He said walking away. It seemed the man had an alliance with him for the time being.

Naruto picked up his annoyingly weak teammates and dragged them to the tower.

(small timeskip :D)

"first match, Sasuke vs Fuu, begin"

In the stands Kurenai was betting against kakashi "I bet your pet will lose, I saw Fuu fight my team, he doesnt stand a chance."

Kakashi was eager to take the bet but before he could respond, Naruto snorted "you'll see"

Kurenai, as always, was quick to say "think a woman cant handle him?"

Naruto chuckled "oh not that, I mean hes as weak as Sakura, but this particular woman doesnt stand a chance."

Kakashi raised his eyebrow "what happened in the forest?"

"the final level" Was all Naruto said.

Kakashi seemed to understand, as he was too shocked to speak. Kurenai blinked and moved her attention back to the fight.

Fuu seemed to be winning, with her first tailed form, however as she was just about to finish sasuke, something happened. All her energy was suddenly sucked away from her, swimming into a vortex that went straight into Sasuke's eye, which was currently shaped like a five point star. Fuu imediately fell over, knocked out. The match was won by Sasuke, and a few more matches went by before Sakura and Ino fought.

Normally this would have been boring, if Naruto didnt telepathically release some of Sakura's muscle use, as each person uses about twenty percent of their muscle, making her strong enough to win the match, just barely though.

The last match was a strange one indeed. Naruto was going to fight Neji. The mutters from the stands were mostly about the insane meets the knowledge. If only they knew the truth.

"you both ready?" the proctor asked.

Both nodded, Neji with a blank face, and Naruto with the smirk he always had.

"begin!"

Neji sighed "you should give up, fate-" He started, only to be cut off as ducktape was over his mouth.

Naruto stood a few feet infront of him with a roll of ducktape whirling on his finger, like a hoolahoop.

Neji roared in anger, while the stands roared with laughter. Neji immediately ripped the tape off. "bet that stings like a hammer to the face." Neji looked up just in time to see a hammer flying right towards his face, which collided and made him fall on his back.

Naruto smiled "trust me, Fate, time and space are my slaves, they hold no meaning for me, nor any of the three. Allow me to give you a lesson of just who your are fighting, you arrogant little prick." Naruto began his tale "you see many years ago, god decided to give three mortals true immortality, and these three beings are known as death, fear, and pain. These three beings are more powerful than anyone else. Death is known to be the most powerful, however that is a lie, he is the weakest, well he would be second strongest if not for his rules about his powers, death happens only once after all"

Neji snorted "so you claim to be death?"

Naruto smacked the back of his head lightly. "Gibs, now shut up and listen. The second strongest is Pain, who has attained the powers of the false gods you all worship, along with a weapon, he calls himself a god, but he knows the truth. He has a few rules, but not nearly as bad as Death does. Now the most powerful is Fear"

Neji yelled at him "that makes no sense Death is the most powerful, Fear is weak"

Naruto smirked "wrong again you damn sociopath, Death only happens once, and is quick, by lifetime perspective. Pain is longer, but Fear is constant, we all experience fear, some way or another, the kages fear their paperwork, Kakashi fears everyone on earth turning into copies of Gai. now let me finish, Fear has no rules, logic bends itself it Fear's will, as a blanket can turn into a monster with fear."

Neji smirked "I fear nothing but fear itself!"

Naruto smirked "good.. because I.. AM FEAR" And with that stated, he cast a genjutsu on Neji, possibly one of his most lethal weapons was this genjutsu, he would probably need psycho-evaluation later.

The genjutsu Neji expereinced was a terrible fate indeed. In Neji's mind, he was naked, tied down in a Jail house shower, and he had no teeth. Suddenly he heard a voice yell out "shower time!" And whimpered.

"the third exam matches are as follows

1st match Sasuke vs Gaara

2nd match Nara Shikamaru vs Temari

3rd match Naruto vs Shino

4th match Kiba vs Hinata

final match, Sakura vs Tayuya

With that said, you are all dismissed, you have two months to train before the third exams" Sarutobi said.

* * *

Hope that was worth the wait.

Why the fight with Neji so soon? well I had 123998071234 ideas about that fight so I decided to use it as his match in the preliminaries.

Now a small rant

I see so many people making Naruto's IQ around 200+, nothing would be wrong with that... if the person portraying him actually had such an IQ, which is why this Naruto's IQ is strictly at 153, though his logistics are incredibly high, I cant make him smarter than myself, otherwise I could not portray him correctly.

next little rant.

These people on fanfiction complain so much about yaoi, and at first I agreed because 80% of the stories I saw were yaoi, yes I took numbers. The thing I LOVE is how they say in the description, DONT LIKE DONT READ. Now I doubt that you'll read a yaoi without noticing it, which is probably why you should read the AN and summary.

Third,

People on here are so biased against gays, to insult Sasuke they make him gay. Personally I have a few gay/bi/lesbian friends, and frankly they are alot better people than my straight friends, which is not all that shocking to me. No, just because I have gay friends doesnt mean I'll turn this into a yaoi.

and lastly...

God like Naruto's.. they are usually great and a perfect read, however.. lately I've found some that say he is godlike.. but he loses to the weak and wins to the strong like one I read the other day, where Naruto fought Kakashi and completely owned him.. then nearly lost to neji in the finals... see what I mean now?, Neji is just chuunin level at best, Kakashi is on par with Jiraiya without sage mode, see the problem?

Sorry bout those.. I have alot of anger issues and its best to adress problems head on, perferably one of these rants will change someone, who knows?

till next time,

this is Kensei signing off ;D


	5. Author's Notice, Excalibur

AN: Okay, so Ive been reading quite a few fanfics, and I've decided Im no longer writing, Im not a loyal author, I dont do it right, etc. blah blah blah.

If you want to adopt a story, just tell me, you dont even have to ask, I just want to read what someone else does with my ideas. Or if you want an idea for one, I can give it to you.

Anyway, I guess Ill leave you with a small peice of info I learned.

For starters, the naruto universe is not NEARLY equal to our own in physical abilities. Why? Well, you have people who jump 40 ft in the air, and the highest known jump is 8 ft high. They are stronger, faster and all around better physically than anyone without the use of chakra, why? the filler episode where Naruto was punched by a civilian, he said "he punches like a civilian.." implying people without chakra are much much weaker than the usual ninja. Yes, I know he used a jutsu to transform into Naruto or whatever, but that implies that with more chakra, comes more strength, so a bit of a challenge for anyone willing to write it:

The more chakra you have, the more physically strong you are. Simple as that. Now think about it, how could that change anything? Well Naruto had more chakra than a kage, and probably more than kisame, so in other words, he'd be as strong as gai. Gai trains soley on physical abilities so his chakra level doesnt contribute much. Now may I remind you that Naruto would be as strong and fast as Gai... as a gennin. Then may I also remind you he has an infinite source of chakra hiding in his stomache? Exactly my point. Bai bai now.


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